I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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