I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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