Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sorry about my life...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
