Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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