I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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