The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
