Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
