She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I believe in your delicious
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
