just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
