Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
