Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
