i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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