First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
