I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
