He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
