Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
