she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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