Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
