My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
