I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
