when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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