Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
