You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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