Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
