dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
