I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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