i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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