yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
