toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
