look no pants
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
