i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
