the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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