He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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