you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I will be naked everywhere
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
