1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
