cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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