Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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