new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
