Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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