i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
