she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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