don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
