my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
3pm strippers are depressing
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
