please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
