I love black thongs
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
