Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
