I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
