The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
