she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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