just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
