Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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