it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
